Dear [____rejectee's name here_____],
 
 I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
 contention as Mr. Right. 
 
 As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough
 and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also
 failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on
 file should an opening become available. So that you may find
 better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me
 to offer the following reason(s) why you were disqualified from
 the competition:
 
 [Check all those that apply]
 
 ___  Your breasts are bigger than mine.
 
 ___  Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
      hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
 
 ___  The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been
      at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
 
 ___  Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the
      truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for
      something other than my  personality.
 
 ___  You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20
      questions about yourself before you asked me one.
 
 ___  Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my
      pants, then you can't GET into my pants.
 
 ___  Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the
      9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
 
 ___  You failed the credit check.
 
 ___  I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily
      unappealing.
 
 ___  The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an
      inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
 
 ___  The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
      conversation.
 
 ___  You still live with your parents.
 
 ___  You mention your ex-girlfriend's name more than you mention
      mine.
 
 ___  Three words: Size does matter.
 
 Sincerely,
 
 [Your name here]