10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you
     asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all
     these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are
     sore, my dog just died...."
 
 9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to
    spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then
    ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal
    questions or questions about their company for as long as
    necessary.
 
 8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how
    have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief
    moments of pause as she tries to figure out where she could
    know you from.
 
 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
    Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I
    don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"
 
 6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you are just about to
    file for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
 
 5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask
    if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.
 
 4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry
    you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not
    just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
 
 3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them
    if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call
    them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give
    out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone
    bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and
    you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
 
 2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a
    joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your
    momma?"
 
 And first and foremost:
 
 1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY
    WORD down.