One day, Pinocchio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls
 and wooden boys do.
 
 As they were cuddling later, Pinocchio could tell that something
 was bothering his girlfriend.  So, he asked her, "What's the
 matter, baby?"
 
 Pinocchio's girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, "You're
 probably the best guy I've ever met, but every time we make love
 you give me splinters."
 
 This remark bothered Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he
 went to seek some advice form his creator, Gepetto.  When
 Pinocchio arrived, Gepetto could tell something was bothering
 Pinocchio, and asked him what was the matter. Pinocchio revealed
 his dilemma to Gepetto.
 
 Gepetto searched up and down for a solution.  Eventually, he
 suggested that sandpaper might be able to "smooth" out Pinocchio's
 relationship with his girlfriend.  Pinocchio graciously thanked
 Gepetto and went on his way.
 
 Gepetto had not heard from Pinocchio for a while and therefore
 assumed that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinocchio's problems.
 
 A couple weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades
 sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinocchio.  When
 he saw Pinocchio buying all the packs of sandpaper the store had
 in stock, Gepetto remarked, "So, Pinocchio, things must be going
 pretty damn good with the girls, eh?" and Pinocchio replied:
 
 "Girls, who needs girls?!?!?!?!?!?!?"