A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I had an
 affair with a woman... almost." 
 
 The priest says, "What do you mean, almost?" 
 
 The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but
 then I stopped." 
 
 The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it
 in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now say five Hail
 Marys and put $50 in the poor box." 
 
 The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to
 the poor box. He pauses for a moment and starts to leave. 
 
 The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over and says, "I
 saw that! You didn't put any money in the poor box!" 
 
 The man replied, "Well, Father, I rubbed up against it, and you
 said it was the same as putting it in!"