The telephone rings and an answering machine answers...
 
 "Welcome to the psychiatric hotline."
 
 If you are obsessive compulsive, please press one repeatedly.
 
 If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2.
 
 If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
 
 If you are paranoid/delusional, we know who you are, what you
 want, just stay on the line so that we can trace your call.
 
 If your are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice
 will tell you which number to press.
 
 If your are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
 press....no one will answer anyways.